July 28, 2004 - 4:00 pm
Few things entertain me/make me think more than late nights with Karen McCarthy and white russians (her way) and playing interrogation and telling each other our secrets.
And run-on sentences. I do love me some bad composition.
I'll keep the secrets secret -though I'm sure I spilled one or two of my own while drunkenly IMing into the night- but one thing that came up was Dave. Detroit Dave to those knew him "in the time of the two Daves." Two years after the last time I talked with him, I still somehow had his number in my phone. It made me sad in a few ways. Part was regret and the whole "how would things have been had I acted differently", combined with the sad realization that you just can't reconstruct "how things used to be" and the ways that those regrets put an extra sting in the issues I now lack the balls to act upon.
There I go, ending my sentences with prepositions. From now on, I will make more of an effort to instead end my sentences with prOpositions.
Anyhow, 12 hours later I'm in the shower and still thinking of how much of a shame it is that I'm too chickenshit to call up my old friend, when we've reanimated the corpse of our friendship after year + haituses many times before. While shaving my legs I somehow convinced myself to act.
Do I feel better? Yes. Did it work out like I had thought it would? No.
Dave is still Dave. I can't even begin to explain how incredibly true that statement is. He is still doing the same things, hanging with the same people, working the same jobs, and living in the same place that I expected...hell, he even talks the same way. The conversation we had could have taken place two years ago, really. Even his reaction to hearing from me after so long was the same.
So the part of me that wanted to face my fear of contacting him is totally sated. Done. Yay me. However, the part of me that painfully remembers how things used to be was a little disappointed to see the same someone I used to know and realize that I am not capable of responding to this person as I once did.
What now?
