July 02, 2004 - 6:22 pm
It was bound to happen someday. The Big Man has finally kicked it. We'll miss you.
In other news, I really can't believe it's only 6:30. What the hell? This day has been too damned long. I can't say it hasn't been a good one, however, since I was able to fit so many things into the time I've spent awake, some productive time at work, lunch with Kim, laying in the law quad grass, and relaxing with coffee. It's just quite strange that there's still a whole evening left.
Kim commented today that I seemed much better than the last time we had enjoyed lunch together. This is true-I can describe the last few days as nothing but "low energy." Perhaps even "boring."
Here's what sticks in my craw about the whole thing...I've been really uncomfortable lately. For example, I find myself making plans because I miss my friends and don't want to waste this summer time, but on the other hand, I really just want to be alone-a lot. At least two or three times this week I've let myself be easily dissuaded from plans for trivial reasons, because at the heart of it, I just didn't feel like it. I'm becoming that annoying person that doesn't like any of your suggestions, but has none to offer of her own.
Tonight I was supposed to go see a movie, then get dinner, then shop for weekend cookering stuffs. When it occurred to me that I would also have to prepare some food for tomorrow because my family is coming over to barbecue god knows when, I didn't think twice about bailing on the movie and just sitting longer in this cafe instead.
Maybe it's the fucked up mixture of music they're playing here. I've been hyp-mo-tized!
One way or another, I know I've gone through this weird discomfort before. I find myself walking down the street after work completely unaware of where I'm heading, walking up and down the street as I keep changing my mind as to where I want to be, or leaving after 15 minutes.
Uncomfortable in my own skin? Perhaps.
Unhappy? Not sure.
Confused? Absolutely.
