July 01, 2003 - 3:16 pm
I feel like my heart is caving in.
So many of the people that I love dearly are hurting right now, and there�s nothing I can do about it. This hurts me more than I can describe, and everyone I would normally lean on is leaning on me already. Things are changing in devastating ways, and I�m powerless to stop them. All I can do is watch, wanting to cry out but biting my tongue instead.
Yesterday I saw grown men cry. This morning, in the shower, I followed suit. I did it silently, watching the water and my tears slide down my body, into the tub, and down the drain. I desperately hoped it would take just a little of my pain with it. It didn�t.
I wanted to write about how promising life was yesterday morning. There was this beautiful relief and prosperity surrounding us as we drove to work, like the worst was over and all the future offered was hope and happiness. I was in love with the world that morning. I should have written about it while it was still real and relevant, but now it�s just ironic and sad. So much can happen in 24 hours.
