September 06, 2002 - 1:15am
Considering how busy today is supposed to be, and the fact that I have a myriad of thought swirling in my brain, I think this should be my Saturday entry...
First, I get really spooky when driving alone, especially at night. First off, I see things. If I'm so much as the least bit tired, I will blur the fantasy/reality line to the point of hallucinating. Don't worry, folks, the roads are still safe. This has yet to get in the way of my operating a motor vehicle. But, for example, when coming home at night, I always turn the back of the "slippery when wet" sign on my left into a man standing beside the road, perhaps hitchhiking. Creepy, eh?
Also, another thing I noticed...I can be really horrible in some social situations. Reason being, I have absolutely NO grasp of how I'm coming off to others. For this reason, I tend to look downright gloomy when I'm just...being... What I mean is, when I am, for example, doing my homework in public place, since I'm concentrating on only that, and not on any conversations or interactions with others, my face will go slack (default: frown) and, if anything, my brows will furrow in concentration. All in all, I look pretty unhappy, when in truth, I'm merely pondering the entymology of the word "nickname." Tonight, I was up at Denny's, doing some math homework *shakes fists at the devils who run UofM's math dept.*, and when my coffee ran dry and I found myself yawning, I realized it was time for me to book it. So I pulled out a five spot and waited for Liz to come around so I could pay her. In the time that passed, however, I was basically just sitting there...sipping coffee and waiting, doing the aforementioned seemingly gloomy things. A guy came over and said "You look lonely", I replied that I was merely tired, but thanks and he said something to the point that I just looked really sad so he thought he'd come over to try to make me smile. Way nice of him. Gold star to people like that for just existing. Of course, a cynic would say he was hitting on me, but he seemed pretty content to spread his message without asking for my number or anything, so I'll tell the cynics to eat my ass. Anyhow, I could have made more of an effort to appear pleased with this guy's efforts, or to look happier in the first place, but instead, I came off as uninterested, perhaps even rude. God, I'm an asshole sometimes.
The point I was making with that ramble is that there are a lot of times that I, not taking the time to think in passing conversation, say things that I later slap my forehead about. I might respond to a "Hi, how are you" with a curt "good," or even worse, a "you too" or something else, that indicates I was never listening in the first place (though I WAS listening, just processing at turtle-pace). So...Um...I'm an asshole. My general apologies to the public, with more to come to individuals. Please collect your apology voucher at the nearest "megan is an asshole" booth on campus. Thank you and I'll shut up now.
