May 19, 2003 - 10:02 am
Wow, I am one pathetic loser.
I spent my entire weekend inside, doing homework and such. Just as I'd predicted, when Brad called Sunday afternoon I gave a weak explanation of my social anxiety and apologized profusely. I promised to attempt an exit from my apartment later in the day, explaining that...perhaps, if I were to go get gas for my car and NOT be attacked by agents with mad kung fu skillz, I might be more comfortable with the general public.
Then again, St. Elmo's Fire was on TV. I mean, c'mon, it was the peak of the Andrew McCarthy Era!
So I ate dinner with them when they got back (uncomfortable-I don't think I was ready yet) and watched a movie (much more comfortable, little face-to-face interaction). We watched Equilibrium. Even now, I'm just not sure how I feel about that film. One way or another, it wasn't horrible, and we got to follow it up with the Justice League, which is always good times.
So, I think last night helped, but I'm still kinda glad that no one's in the office yet today. I think I'm gonna keep up with my "face your fears" method. I'm supposed to have lunch w/Stacey and Mike later, and I HAVE to go to class tomorrow, so...*shrug* Either I'll get over this, or spend the next few months nauseated.
*stabs self in eye* BETTER!
Later that day: Got lunch w/Stacey and Mike. On the drive to Ann Arbor, Stacey got her first Ann Arbor ticket that flashing her sister's card couldn't get her out of. Normally, I'd have no pity, since I'm generally against people being able to speed, drive drunk, etc. because they're related to a UofM cop, but Stacey's had a tough week. It's getting to the point that I'M wondering who has it in for her.
I saw my doom today in the form of a "Buy 2, get the 3rd 1/2 off!" sale at Borders. Normally, I can convince myself to keep my wallet closed by saying "I'll come back some other time" but today being the last day, I got suckered. Anyhow, it was a good opportunity to buy books I'd prolly put off forever. Of course, it will take me that long to read any of them, but I have them...just in case?
So my efforts to fix one of my latest fuckups have yeilded nothing. I'm still wrestling with possible reactions to that fact. It seems I can never discern the fine line between playing doormat and being selfish. It seems every time I make an effort to avoid one I inadvertantly do the other. I figure I'll wait a little longer before I decide how to feel about all this.
Healing?: Currently sitting in my office, listening to classic Tori Amos with two other uterus-possessors. Serene and I are singing along. Can't help it. It's like being back in high school again, the way music has been completely grabbing a hold of my innards and making me care lately, all different kinds, old and new. Next thing you know I'll be shopping for prom dresses, dating jerks, and hanging out with junkies.
