March 24, 2003 - 9:39 am
Yesterday my head exploded. Again. I'm so sick of this.
I can't begin to tell you how much I regret this semester. There are things here and there that remind me that it's not that bad. For example, the fact that my professors, overall, rock. On the other hand, all but two of my classes are particularly heavy on the coursework; this means I really shouldn't be taking THESE classes together with all the others. I took a look at the scheduled reading for the last two weeks of my Imperial China class--950 pages. Yup. Of course, I have a good 600 to read before I can start that, not to mention a month's worth of reading for my other four classes and two papers to write. It's just a touch overwhelming right now.
Yesterday I was supposed to map out and start the aforementioned papers, but when I sat down to think about the first of the two, I realized that I was really "out of touch" with the assignment (meaning that even though I could read the description, I just couldn't imagine what they wanted from me), and absolutely hated my prospectus AND my second idea. Of course, just starting on something and hoping it would be acceptable wasn't an option, so I grabbed a bunch of books and started working on other stuff for this week, in hopes I could clear out an evening or two to work on my paper THEN. One way or another, it will be absolutely impossible to work my usual amount, get all of my homework done, AND get a decent amount of sleep in the next five weeks.
Something has to be done.
I split my Saturday work with Tabi, who has slightly more time and a lot less money. This helps. I'm hoping I can get her to cover my turn next week so I can put my efforts towards these papers. Also, I think I'm just gonna bite the bullet and cut my hours at SSDAN down by 10 or even 15 hours a week. The extra time on my reading would make life MUCH better for me.
Example of how strapped for time I am: Stacey and I had to eat out for lunch on Saturday because I DO NOT have time to go grocery shopping. Money? Yes. But the hour or so to buy the groceries and put them away is NOT available right now. Argh!
So, yeah...And none of this has helped by my recent lack of discipline. I've made three failed attempts to get up and go jogging in the morning-my failure to acheive this is proof that my fall semester "attack of self-discipline", which I could really use right now, is long gone. Also, methinks Megan should submit her application for citizenship in the Ritalin nation, as I cannot focus on SHIT.
I am very put out by my failure to rock this semester. I expected more from myself.
