December 31, 2002 - 9:31 am
It's New Year's Eve.
Of course, it doesn't feel much like it, since it's now about 9:30 in the morning, and I'm at work, but trust me, it's the last day of the year.
This means Hong Kong Inn is closed. It means a lot of people slapping their knees over the cleverness it must have required to come up with "See you next year!" when you depart. Sometimes, it means excitement over a great party you will be attending/hosting in a matter of hours.
For the first time since...I don't know when, I'm actually dreading it. Being the celebratory soul that I am, I normally get all excited at any chance to throw/attending a party. However, indecision and poverty have led me to put this planning business on hold until way too late, and those who had formerly raised their fists and cheered when I said "Now who's with me?!?" are now kinda scratching their asses, mumbling excuses, and making for their cars.
I done boned this holiday.
As of now, I've got affirmatives from a total of three people; two of which are good friends, one being a complete stranger. Various things are keeping others away, and the rest have given me maybes that I'm not going to hold my breath over. Unless my friends decide to be more proactive than myself (unusual...in fact, downright unlikely), I see myself drinking champagne w/Tabi and company in my living room, watching TV and waiting for the ball to drop so we can go to sleep. It'll be less exciting than the average Saturday night, in fact, and Tabi will try to counter this by stating how exciting she thinks it is (her method for rousing an unenthusiastic group) which will prolly stomp on my last nerves, since I'll be pretty Bah-Humbug about things by then.
To me, New Years is kind of like Groundhog Day for my mood. If I have a good one, it gives me a new lease on life for a while, and I'm generally cheery. Of course, when I have a particularly bad one, it means 6 more weeks of depression and potentially self-destructive behavior.
On one hand, I'm really kicking myself in the ass for not hopping to it, committing to something, and getting together a rockin' New Years of my own. On the other hand, I've BEEN really sick of how these things always end of on my shoulders. The people that DO come to me about what we're doing expect ME to set something up, figure it out, and plan their evening. If I end up as passive as them about it, I feel like an ass for letting them follow me into a less-than-stellar evening. The rest of my friends just wait for someone to ask them to do something, no matter who that is. When I talk to them a week later, they ask what I did on New years, I tell them, and they say something like "Man, you should have come out to so-and-so's, it was great!"...well...that's information that would have been useful a WEEK ago, kiddo!
Man, I'm in a shitty mood today. I don't want to be at work. I want to go home and play video games all day until it's time to get drunk and watch Orgazmo with the few friends I have tonight...or crawl back in bed until 2003 hits. One way or another, I need to inject myself with happy of some sort.
I think I'm gonna go downstairs and steal the Center's New York Times. No one's here to collect it, anyhow.
