April 07, 2003 - 6:10 pm
I don't know where my nice went, but I just can't find it.
Today's weather sucks so badly it's creating a vacuum. It took me a damned hour to pick up Mike and get to work today. When he hopped in the car, he tried making early morning jokes, but I was pretty sour-faced and cranky about it all, me being the bastard that I am. At lunch I was supposed to go with Stacey and Tabi to look at these apartments, but as I was pulling in to my apartment, Tabi called (at noon) to say "What time did you want me out there?" I tell her "12:20" (Mind you, she's in Detroit, the roads suxor) and somewhere in my head I hear "Damnit, this fucking weather is screwing your day already, what next?"
So when I got home to find Stacey curled up in bed talking about her day, I kinda rushed her to her feet and insisted we get going.
Then, when we get there, the rent was $35 more than I'd been told previously, and the bedrooms are hella small, so Stacey says no, and I say "Fine, let's go" and drop her off without much more to say. In truth, I really AM sick of our place, and was a touch annoyed with Stacey's expectations (She wants a large bedroom, doesn't want to share it, but doesn't want her rent to go up. Without Tabi and I taking on an extra $100 or so, or sharing a TINY bedroom, she's not going to get her way), I really didn't care, and just wanted to get back to work to finish the 2309852 things I have on my plate right now. Anyhow, I think she thinks I'm mad at her or something, cuz things were all quiet and awkward like when we disagree without talking about it. Unpleasant.
In general, I am just so preoccupied, stressed out, etc, today that I just want to be left alone to do my thing. In fact, I really want a hug, too. But I want a hug from someone who will walk up, give it, and then leave me alone. I'm so caught up in the myriad of things I have to get done by the end of this month that I'm forgetting to be downright cordial to people. I ran outta my history discussion (normally I wait for another girl who walks the same way) like a bat outta hell, not bothering to explain or anything. I'm such a dick.
An excerpt from the list of things that annoy me: Ever take the high road with someone, go the extra mile, etc, and in the end have it kick you in the ass? A major example would be taking extra effort to be considerate towards someone's specific situation, let's call it situation X, only to have them be a real shit when things are reversed and you're the one in need of some nice. A smaller case would be that one friend (you know you have one) who complains because there's no "plan" for what to do that evening, won't offer one his/herself, and vetoes everything you suggest. There are a million other examples I could think of in a heartbeat, but this theme has been really heavy on my mind lately, but although there IS something to be done about it (ie SAY SOMETHING) I just can't make myself comfortable with the idea. I R weenie.
Wow, that felt better. All of it.
