July 10, 2003 - 6:21 pm
Last night Jameson and I had a good talk in a parking lot, where good talks are prone to occur. Unlike most talks that ultimately change things, I actually drove home feeling better (as opposed to worse).
It was a strange occurrence for a number of reasons. First, I have never been good at confronting people about my discontents without being either stubborn and unintentionally accusing, or too accommodating, and a bit of a doormat. Jameson is proof of this inadequacy, partially because the two of us are not famous for talking things out without at least one of us getting defensive. Nonetheless, I give us both props for being mature individuals and somehow finding a solution that stepped on no one�s toes; taking the bad out of our relationship, and leaving most of the good intact. I predict clear skies in the future as far as that situation is concerned.
But�can this be true? Am I slowly but surely becoming better at dealing with people? Am I improving my confrontational abilities, analyzing situations ONLY as much as needed, and controlling, not repressing (perhaps even defeating?), my temper and insecurities?
Wow.
Another thing of note: Last week was very good in some ways, and bad in others. In a way, it was very necessary for me to spend last week with my friends, I don't think I could have handled everything without them there. Then again, I became burnt out on their company, or at least felt it happening, and made myself scarce before it did. Now, having spent some me-time and kinda liking not having to talk about depressing things, I notice that a part of me wants to avoid such talk. I just want to ignore it, pretend it isn't happening, and part of me thinks that the best way to do it is to keep up the scarceness...which can't be a good thing. I really need to learn to deal with this and everything else, like pronto...before my whole damned life turns to shit.
So, all that aside...and, work.
Right now, I have many things that just need to be done before my stress level can go down, and the only problem is that I�m so tripped up over the things I need to do that they�re just not getting done in a timely fashion. I need to clear my head and get my shit together. Now if I could just figure out how to go into �tunnel vision� mode...
